I have long suspected that I lived in a hotbed of terrorist activity and at long last my gut-instinct has come to light. Just a few miles down the road authorities busted down the door and seized suspected terrorist Khurram Sher, or to be more specific Dr. Khurram Sher.
Dr. Sher is a 28 year old, married father of three who has a great bedside manner, that is, unless you are an American, in which case you would be best served to reject any medication he prescribes. Now we Canadians shouldn't be surprised that there are terrorist doctors running around the country...after all, Dr Henry Morgentaler has been terrorizing unborn children for decades. And we gave this guy the Order of Canada, which is normally reserved for hockey players and anyone else not in the business of murder. South of the border there was Dr. Jack Kevorkian, who terrorized the elderly........and lame dogs. Although they did send him to prison and withheld his medal. And lets not forgot Dr. Seuss, this guy terrorized my English papers for years. Oh how I wish I had never used "sneedle" and "humpf-humpf-a-dumpfer" in my master's dissertation. Curse that Dr. Seuss.
I digress and I apologize.
Getting back to Dr. Sher, the alleged terrorist. Currently authorities have not released what his target for terrorism was, although we do know what his original plan was. Evidently he auditioned for Canadian Idol (http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/yahoocanada/100826/canada/ex__canadian_idol__contestant_detained_on_terrorism_charges) with the hopes of blowing up the shows host Ben Mulroney. For my American readers, Ben Mulroney is just like Ryan Seacreast, only taller and more annoying. , if that is possible. But it was not to be as Dr. Sher was ushered out of the audition after it was discovered he had a box cutter, a bomb in his shoe and a really bad moonwalk.
I was surprised to discover that this isn't the first time that terrorists have made run for a television spot. In my research for this blog I found out that Osama bin Laden, and I'm not making this up, once auditioned for Jeopardy in the late 80's. bin Laden would have made it to the show but he constantly refused to answer in the form of a question, which angered Alex Trebek who wouldn't let Osama advance. And lets not forgot the late Bobby Sands who is famous for his days in the IRA. He appeared, and I swear this is true, on The Price Is Right in the 70's and promptly got into a fist fight with Bob Barker because he refused to have his dog neutered.
So Dr. Sher, your dreams of being on Idol have been dashed and your aspirations to blow up something American are now as promising as your ability to practice medicine but don't worry, someone will take your place. And I, Jeff Hicks, predict the next great terrorist will come from Iraq. After all, as Bobby Sands once said, Iraq is simply IRA with a Q on it.
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