Along with Bruce Springsteen's "Born In The USA", one of the top selling albums of my high school career was "Brothers In Arms" from Dire Straits. In fact the song Money For Nothing on that album was one of the videos that was a catalyst in making MTV the giant that it is today. (Although by today's standards, the video can be compared to a monkey picking his nose or better yet, or Wisconsin democrats hiding out in neighbouring states.)
Imagine how heartbroken I was to hear that the CRTC (which stands for Constantly Restricting Those Canadians) has banned Money For Nothing, thus robbing me of the joy of listening to the song on the radio and reliving the glory days of high school? You remember high school...getting stuffed in lockers, being laughed at for singing and dancing like Boy George...ahh, high school was the best seven years of my life.
ONE word keeps this song off the radio, a word that someone in Newfoundland, or maybe it was Labrador, called in and thought someone of a homosexual orientation may take offense to this word. Now, I am not in any way speaking for or against this word (if you feel you must email me with a compliant over this, well I can be reached at Barack.Obama@OvalOffice.gov )...I am just saying that if we are taking possible hurtful songs off the airwaves, then I am about to take offense at a long list of songs.
How about The Bangles Walk Like An Egyptian? Do those folks of Egyptian heritage take offense at the Bangles mocking their ability to walk? Ah the questions that plague humanity. To be frank, this dilemma kept me up at night so I called my friend who lives in Illinois (yes, the very one who immigrated from Egypt.) I asked him if he took exception to this song, and if so, should it be forever removed from radio play lists? After much pondering, he replied that he in no way, shape or form was offended by this song. What if he were restricted to a wheelchair, I asked? Without hesitation, he said he would be deeply hurt and desires The Bangles and the radio DJ to be entombed in the closest pyramid. I THOUGHT SO!
Next on my offensive list of songs, Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks. Now I'm not hurt by this song because I am one to protect wife-beaters (my personal opinion is that wife-beaters need to go one-on-one with Chuck Liddell...for eternity) but because my middle name is EARL! That's right and to be associated with a wife-beater...well lets just say I would rather be called a liberal (on either side of the border.) And I will call the next country music radio station and complain the next time I hear this song...of course that is assuming some Nazi kidnaps me, locks me in a room and constantly plays country music, causing me to wish for a fast death.
My hope is that once I lodge a complaint with the CRTC regarding Goodbye Earl, that the good folks on this team will not only ban the song and the Dixie Chicks, but in fact ban the country music industry. Ahhh, dare to dream!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
How Did You Celebrate Reagan's 100th?
Just last week both Americans and Canadians (and by Canadians, I mean me...and most likely, only me) paused to wish President Ronald Reagan Happy 100th Birthday. Of course The Gipper wasn't at the party due to his stubborn insistence that birthday parties are only for the living. Reagan, also known as The Great Communicator, The Teflon President, Dutch and Chocolate Thunder, is by far my favourite Republican president, mostly due to the fact that we both married sweet ladies named Nancy. (Side note here...Bill Clinton is my favourite Democrat president, but only because he is the punch line to some great jokes.)
As folks are celebrating the memories of Reagan and the century mark, I have been inspired to do a countdown of 100 great happenings in my lifetime. Leading off of course is...
100 - Ronald Reagan, my aforementioned favourite Republican..ah gosh, he is my all-time fav...he is the G.O.A.T.! Not only did the guy turn the economy around, he really like jelly beans.
99 - For Wayne Gretzky, whom I shouted "You'll never be nuthin' " at when he was a sixteen year forward for the Soo Greyhounds. Who knew? I also shouted the same thing at Tiger Woods, Bill Gates and Dalton McGuinty. Hey, 1 out of 4 ain''t bad.
98 - Was the year that my favourite DDemocrat president, Slick Willie Clinton, was impeached. It was a proud moment (to my editor, please insert Clinton punch line here)
97 - France won the World Cup of soccer...oh wait, I don't care about guys in silk shorts.
96 - Lets see...9 - 6 =3, yes lets skip to 3 because coming up with 100 greatest items is tough when you are getting old and the C.R.T.C. is limiting my Internet usage. (To my American readers the CRTC stands for CONSTANTLY RESTRICTING THOSE CANADIANS)
3 - Is the number of IRS and Revenue Canada audits...those are fun times and I must say, enjoyable people!
2 - Two guys walked on the moon in 1969... you know, Neil and that guy on Dancing With The Stars.
1 - One great family that consists of my best friend Nancy and 5, yes five daughters...Cassidy 17, Sidney 14, Sophie 11, Christy 3 and Avery 1. Happy Valentine's Day to my gals...Love The Old Man.
As folks are celebrating the memories of Reagan and the century mark, I have been inspired to do a countdown of 100 great happenings in my lifetime. Leading off of course is...
100 - Ronald Reagan, my aforementioned favourite Republican..ah gosh, he is my all-time fav...he is the G.O.A.T.! Not only did the guy turn the economy around, he really like jelly beans.
99 - For Wayne Gretzky, whom I shouted "You'll never be nuthin' " at when he was a sixteen year forward for the Soo Greyhounds. Who knew? I also shouted the same thing at Tiger Woods, Bill Gates and Dalton McGuinty. Hey, 1 out of 4 ain''t bad.
98 - Was the year that my favourite DDemocrat president, Slick Willie Clinton, was impeached. It was a proud moment (to my editor, please insert Clinton punch line here)
97 - France won the World Cup of soccer...oh wait, I don't care about guys in silk shorts.
96 - Lets see...9 - 6 =3, yes lets skip to 3 because coming up with 100 greatest items is tough when you are getting old and the C.R.T.C. is limiting my Internet usage. (To my American readers the CRTC stands for CONSTANTLY RESTRICTING THOSE CANADIANS)
3 - Is the number of IRS and Revenue Canada audits...those are fun times and I must say, enjoyable people!
2 - Two guys walked on the moon in 1969... you know, Neil and that guy on Dancing With The Stars.
1 - One great family that consists of my best friend Nancy and 5, yes five daughters...Cassidy 17, Sidney 14, Sophie 11, Christy 3 and Avery 1. Happy Valentine's Day to my gals...Love The Old Man.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The (Grand)Mother Of All Mercenaries
Finally! A crime-fighter has burst upon the scene who can take down six guys at once AND make a mean potato salad, all the while remaining humble and shying away from the public spotlight (no doubt to conceal her identity as she refuses to wear a mask.)
In case you missed it yesterday, a 70-something year old British woman charged across the street and took on six helmet-wearing, hammer-yielding, motorcycle-riding thugs who were breaking into jewellery store in broad daylight…in front of other pedestrians…while being video recorded by a film crew making a documentary across the street.
(http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/super-granny-thwarts-robbery-12872361)
As I watch the video of this senior citizen in action, I can’t help but think of the following questions; 1- What exactly is in that purse that she is swinging around? 2- Would she consider renting herself out as a mercenary? Any why not, may I ask, would this woman not be considered for mercenary duty? I have it on good authority that Blackwater has approached her to head up a security team detail in Iraq; in fact Blackwater (and the French Army) have already ordered purses and the proper contents for all soldiers.
Of course, I myself have toyed with the idea of hiring this lady to take on certain dislikes in my life…I would even give her paid time for her 2 o’clock tea. If this lady could take out the following then I would be willing to pay top dollar;
1 - I want Osama caught, it’s been long enough
2 – Chris Matthews of MSNBC, the guy is a lunatic
3 – Country music…not just one song, but the whole industry
But alas, it is not to be. I just heard that both CBS and the BBC have approached this lady pitching TV pilots based on her role in fighting crime. Word is that Betty White was the front runner for the role but she turned it down, fearing she would be typecast for future acting roles…well, that and the fact that if she did her own stunts then her AARP benefits would be in jeopardy.
In case you missed it yesterday, a 70-something year old British woman charged across the street and took on six helmet-wearing, hammer-yielding, motorcycle-riding thugs who were breaking into jewellery store in broad daylight…in front of other pedestrians…while being video recorded by a film crew making a documentary across the street.
(http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/super-granny-thwarts-robbery-12872361)
As I watch the video of this senior citizen in action, I can’t help but think of the following questions; 1- What exactly is in that purse that she is swinging around? 2- Would she consider renting herself out as a mercenary? Any why not, may I ask, would this woman not be considered for mercenary duty? I have it on good authority that Blackwater has approached her to head up a security team detail in Iraq; in fact Blackwater (and the French Army) have already ordered purses and the proper contents for all soldiers.
Of course, I myself have toyed with the idea of hiring this lady to take on certain dislikes in my life…I would even give her paid time for her 2 o’clock tea. If this lady could take out the following then I would be willing to pay top dollar;
1 - I want Osama caught, it’s been long enough
2 – Chris Matthews of MSNBC, the guy is a lunatic
3 – Country music…not just one song, but the whole industry
But alas, it is not to be. I just heard that both CBS and the BBC have approached this lady pitching TV pilots based on her role in fighting crime. Word is that Betty White was the front runner for the role but she turned it down, fearing she would be typecast for future acting roles…well, that and the fact that if she did her own stunts then her AARP benefits would be in jeopardy.
Monday, February 7, 2011
A Day Without A McGuinty Tax Hike Is A Day My Kids Can Eat
*For my American readers, please substitute the name Barack Obama for Dalton McGuinty, and this blog will make sense. These two men are, in essence, the same politician.
That is correct, studies show that when Premier Dalton McGuinty introduces a new tax hike (i.e. HST, eHealth, Hydro Tax, etc.) my kids can’t eat for a while as we scramble to slide more money to the government. In fact, just the other day our 3 year old looks up at me with tears in her eyes and asks if it’s true what her older sisters told her…that we will soon have to eat the cat. I replied that no, we won’t eat the cat…unless the dog gets away from me. It seemed of little consolation to her.
The honest truth is that unless McGuinty grows a spin and starts to say no to certain initiatives in an effort to balance a provincial budget (or at the very least, make an appearance to balance the budget by cutting spending), then I will have to go Amish. And let’s be honest, I can’t do that as I’m not man enough to grow the required beard.
Take health care for instance, in just 15 years this one line item will account for 77% of the provincial budget. Hey supporters of ObamaCare, come to Ontario and see your future. Oh sure, it won’t be pretty for you but we could use your tourism dollars (make sure you stop at the Falls for a viewing before McGuinty sells it to the Chinese and they move it to Beijing.)
I guess I have already moved to an Amish state of mind as we grow our own vegetables, have apple, peach, and cherry trees, grapes and a hive full of angry bees for honey. I bought a horse from a slick salesman on the corner, but who knew that Secretariat was already dead? I knew I should have watched that movie.
The good news in all of this…McGuinty should be run out of office nine months from yesterday…vote early and vote often.
That is correct, studies show that when Premier Dalton McGuinty introduces a new tax hike (i.e. HST, eHealth, Hydro Tax, etc.) my kids can’t eat for a while as we scramble to slide more money to the government. In fact, just the other day our 3 year old looks up at me with tears in her eyes and asks if it’s true what her older sisters told her…that we will soon have to eat the cat. I replied that no, we won’t eat the cat…unless the dog gets away from me. It seemed of little consolation to her.
The honest truth is that unless McGuinty grows a spin and starts to say no to certain initiatives in an effort to balance a provincial budget (or at the very least, make an appearance to balance the budget by cutting spending), then I will have to go Amish. And let’s be honest, I can’t do that as I’m not man enough to grow the required beard.
Take health care for instance, in just 15 years this one line item will account for 77% of the provincial budget. Hey supporters of ObamaCare, come to Ontario and see your future. Oh sure, it won’t be pretty for you but we could use your tourism dollars (make sure you stop at the Falls for a viewing before McGuinty sells it to the Chinese and they move it to Beijing.)
I guess I have already moved to an Amish state of mind as we grow our own vegetables, have apple, peach, and cherry trees, grapes and a hive full of angry bees for honey. I bought a horse from a slick salesman on the corner, but who knew that Secretariat was already dead? I knew I should have watched that movie.
The good news in all of this…McGuinty should be run out of office nine months from yesterday…vote early and vote often.
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